Crona meets Excalibur
by Ynot7
Summary: The title pretty much says it. My first fanfic. Hope you enjoy!


_This is just a funny idea I had one day while watching a Soul Eater episode that I decided to bring to life. It's my first fanfic, so please read and review. Constructive criticism appreciated. Sorry if it sucks at all. Keep in mind, this will be set after the anime, in case you're wondering about time frame. I do not own Soul Eater or any of the characters depicted. So, without further delay,_

Crona meets Excalibur

Chapter 1

6:45 am

It was an average morning in Death City. The sun was shining (and laughing maniacally), the birds were chirping, and the shy, pink-haired meister known as Crona was hanging around the library, looking for some books of poetry for inspiration in writing some of his own (hopefully, without sending everyone who reads them to a corner). As he turned a corner, he bumped into someone and lost his balance, hitting the floor with a thud. As he sat on the floor,with his head in his knees, repeatedly apologizing, a hand reached down to him as a kind and familiar voice spoke up.

"Don't worry Crona, it was more my fault anyways, I never can tell which way I'm going."

Recognizing the voice, Crona shyly lifted his head.

"Ms. Marie?"

Crona said, slightly relieved at the familiar smiling face looking down at him. Blushing a bit, Crona took her hand as she pulled him off of the floor. Finding his voice, Crona spoke up,

"So, why are you back? I thought you were stationed in Oceania."

Marie replied

"Well, since I enjoyed teaching all of you so much and since Oceania's almost always quiet, I asked Lord Death if he'd let me stay on here as a teacher. He said yes and got Azusa to cover for me if anything stirs up."

Crona quietly replied

"I'm glad."

Smiling, Marie patted his head,

"Me too."

Blushing again, Crona looked to the floor and the book that had been dropped during their collision. Picking up the heavy, dust covered book, Crona quietly asked

"So, um, what's this one for?"

Taking the book, Marie responded

"Oh, that's for a class I was teaching about famous weapons. Come on, let's look at it together."

Finding a nearby table, Marie sat the book down and flipped through some pages (which, for some reason, had the word "LAME!" along with some other interesting phrases written on them) until she reached an impressive looking figure of a glowing human with wings. She pointed to the picture and read

"The Holy Sword Excalibur, which can cut through space and time and endows the wielder with unimaginable power. It dwells in a cave near the British Isles."

Crona's eyes lit up with interest at the description. Marie cheerfully continued

"Anyways I've been asking around about it all week, but everyone, even Stein, just kind of grimaces at me and walks away. It's kind of strange."

Marie then glanced at her watch.

"Oh, it seems we've taken too long chatting. I'll see you in class Crona!"

Marie called before walking away (in the direction opposite to the classroom, since it's Marie). Crona smiled and slightly waved back before turning and seeing that the book Marie had been reading from had been left on the table. Picking it up, Crona stared at the cover before Ragnarok emerged from his back.

"Watcha thinkin' about wimp?"

"Oh, hi Ragnarok. I was just wondering about this Holy Sword."

"YOU, getting curious?! The world must be ending."

A bit annoyed, Crona continued

"I was just thinking…maybe we could go find this sword. With your wings we could find it in no time. I mean, Maka's always saying I should try and be braver and it would be a big help to Ms. Marie…"

Ragnarok snorted

"Right, like I'm gonna tire myself out to help that she-cow pirate!"

Crona softly responded

"If you help I'll get you that chocolate cake you keep eyeing in Deathmart."

"Holy Sword, here we come!"

Slightly contented, Crona marched off, with no idea of what was in store for him...

Chapter 2

8:30 am DWMA Class Crescent Moon

Light shone in through the windows as the "YAHOO!" of a certain blue-haired assassin echoed through the classroom.

"Black Star, would you sit down this instant and cease your bellowing!"

Death The Kid shot irritatedly.

Settling down into his seat, Black Star crossed his arms and huffed,

"What's the point? Ms. Marie still hasn't gotten here and with Soul gone with Maka on a mission, and the girls talking about whatever, there's nobody here to have any fun with."

Kid retorted, thick sarcasm in his voice

"Wow, Black Star, you really know how to make a person feel wanted."

Before Black Star could respond, a familiar pair of high heels clapped into the classroom, carrying an exasperated Marie, who, in turn was carrying a somewhat mussed up lesson plan.

"Well, look who finally showed up."

Black Star commented.

"Probably got lost again."

Kid said, smirking slightly and rolling his eyes.

"That lady could get lost trying to find her own bathroom."

Black Star chuckled.

Kid shrugged,

"Well I guess showing up fashionably late is better than unfashionably never. Speaking of which..."

Noticing something out of place, Kid scanned the classroom.

"Say, Black Star..."

Black Star turned his head to listen.

"Where do you suppose Crona is today?"

Black Star put his hand to his chin in contemplation,

"Well, uh, let's see...since Maka's not here, couldn't he be staying in his corner or something?"

Kid responded,

"I thought Maka helped him put a stop to all that a while ago..."

Marie suddenly interjected

"Oh, Crona hasn't shown up yet? I wonder if he went to go find that sword…"

A suddenly intrigued Black Star asked

"What sword?"

Marie smiled and cheerfully said

"Oh, I showed him a book on the Holy Sword Excalibur. He seemed really interested. I guess he went to go look for it."

Kid and Black Star's mouths literally hit the floor as their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and they yelled

"THE HOLY SWORD EXCALIBUR!?"

Without changing her expression in the slightest, Marie simply stated

"I shouldn't have done that, should I?"

Before her sentence had finished Black Star and Kid had already dashed out the door, leaving two dust trails behind them.

Chapter 3

1:30 pm British Isles

Crona marched through the moist cave, sloshing water as he went, thinking to himself that he didn't know how to deal with wet shoes, when Ragnarok suddenly sprouted from his back.

"Gupie! I still can't believe you came all this way just to find some lame piece of metal."

Crona muttered,

"Right, I've already got you."

Ragnarok pounded his head a little.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Crona clutched his arm, wanting to change the subject.

"Why do you suppose that fairy we saw earlier acted like that?"

Ragnarok snorted,

"How should I know? If she wants to go around with her face all scrunched up like she's taking a dump, that's her business."

Crona sighed,

"I wish you wouldn't be so crude all the time."

Suddenly, they came to a large cavern with light streaming from the ceiling and a certain gleaming sword in the center. Crona's eyes became fixed upon the sword as he stepped closer to it. He stopped and stared at it, admiring the quality of the blade. Annoyed, Ragnarok swatted the back of his head.

"Well, are you gonna pick it up or have a staring contest with it!"

Crona rubbed the back of his head.

"R-right."

Slowly, Crona reached out to grasp the blade until his hand was less than an inch from the hilt, when a voice suddenly boomed out

"FOOLS!"

Crona winced back in shock as the sword suddenly began to glow, almost blindingly bright. When the light cleared, a strange penguin-like creature stood before Crona and Ragnarok. Not knowing what to make of the creature that stood before them, Crona scratched his head in confusion.

"Um, who're..."

"FOOL! I am the Holy Sword Excalibur and it's rude to interrupt, you shouldn't interrupt people when they're talking. You should politely let them finish their sentences before you speak up."

Confused, Crona spoke up

"S-so, you're the..."

"FOOL! Of course I am. Would you like to hear my legend young man?"

Crona rubbed his arm nervously.

"I-I guess..."

"FOOL! Who're you to speak up, my legend goes all the way back to the twelfth century. I will tell it to you now. We open in 1929, a slum in Brooklyn, it's snowing outside and my mother has just given birth to a healthy adult baby."

"Wait, how does that make any..."

"FOOL! I shall regale you with another tale of my youth. I shall tell you about my time spent aboard the Titanic. I was the king of the world."

"Wait, wasn't that..."

"FOOL! This is why I can't stand weird people."

At that, Ragnarok popped out with a familiar

"Gupie!"

He instantly turned his attention to Excalibur.

"Who're you to call anyone weird? I don't even know what you are! You're like some kind of weird cross between a penguin and a rabbit!"

"FOOL! The more the ingredients, the greater the soup! Which brings us to number 795 of the 1000 provisions, never eat raspberries."

Ragnarok's forehead tightened in anger.

"What does that have to do with anything?!"

Crona squeezed his wrist, thinking to himself

"I really don't know how to deal with..."

"FOOL!"

Excalibur called out, interrupting his thoughts.

"Who are you to not know how to deal with me? My legend began in the 12th century!"

Annoyed at having his thoughts invaded, Crona began to grit his teeth. Excalibur continued.

"Now let me regale you with my experience at the Battle of Gettysburg."

Crona quietly groaned, and began rubbing his forehead to soothe the growing ache he felt.

"Now, we open with just 300 soldiers left, armed with nothing but spears and shields to help them fight the much larger invading army."

Crona raised a brow.

"Wait, didn't I see that in a movie some-"

"FOOL! There's never a bad time for singing, which is why I'm going to sing right now."

"What? In the middle of the story?"

Excalibur began,

"Excalibur, from the United K, I'm lookin' for Heaven. I'm goin' to California..."

3 Hours Later

"And that song teaches us provision number 23, never steal a car without asking first."

Crona groaned in pain, his headache having graduated to a full-on migraine.

"Now"

Excalibur announced

"Let us go forth together!"

He transformed into a glowing sword, suspended in midair.

"Now is your chance for victory and glory!"

Crona's eyes lit up, taking the sword with both hands.

"Victory and glory..."

He quietly spoke, before Ragnarok burst from his back.

"You're not actually gonna listen to this, are you?"

Crona quietly replied,

"It's okay, I know how to deal with this."

He then slammed Excalibur back into the ground. Then a puzzled voice came from the sword.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Crona and Ragnarok simply looked at the sword in disgust, their faces each forming into a grimace before both muttered some very familiar words as they walked back toward the entrance...

"So incredibly lame..."

Ragnarok snorted,

"That has to be the lamest thing I've seen!"

Crona murmured,

"At least we finally agree on something..."

Chapter 4

Epilogue

4:40 pm British Isles

"Oh come on Kid, I am not carrying you again!"

Black Star shouted, annoyed.

"There's no time to argue, Black Star! We must make haste if we wish to save Crona from Excalibur!"

A vein in Black Star's head began to throb.

"Then why don't you just forget your damn OCD for once?!"

Before Kid could respond, both he and Black Star heard a sloshing coming from the cave entrance. They stared into it before seeing the familiar figure of Crona emerging from the darkness. As he stepped out into the light Black Star ran up to the pink-haired meister and began to loudly bombard him with questions.

"Crona, are you okay? What happened? Where's Excalibur? Speak up!"

Kid found a dry patch to stand on. "Calm down, Black Star."

He turned to Crona.

"Crona, would you like to tell us what happened?"

Crona responded by twisting his face into that familiar grimace.

"If it's all the same to you guys, I'd rather not talk about it."

Having experienced Excalibur first-hand, Black Star and Kid silently decided it would be better if they just dropped it. As they turned to leave, a voice boomed from the cave.

"All right we can skip the rest, but the five hour storytelling party is a must!"

Ragnarok then sprouted from Crona's back and joined the others as they shouted in unison

"LAME!"

The End

Well, that's my first fanfic and I hope you got some laughs out of it. Peace out.


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